Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
