we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
