I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
