all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
