All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
is it fun? or sober?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
