I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
