Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm always down for nudity.
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