its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
