I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
