I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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