Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just want to make out with him forever
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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