Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
