I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
