I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
