Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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