things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
