his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
