is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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