the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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