they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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