just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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