the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
