do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
