Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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