and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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