Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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