She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
