u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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