i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
