ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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