I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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