When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
