She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
