I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
