Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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