I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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