Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
