her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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