just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my vag is so smooth its legendary
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
