when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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