That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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