Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
