I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My liver just had a heart attack.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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