god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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