I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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