somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
