My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
