you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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