That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
