i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You can't special order awesome
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
