My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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