How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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