um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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