4 words: hood of his car
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
