You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
