cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
