Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
