ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
