he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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