is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
