when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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