just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
