apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
