Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
