we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
