I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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